


The Downfall of a Potato, or; Pests and Potatoes

by Belelaith



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-08
Updated: 2014-01-08
Packaged: 2018-01-08 00:57:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1126480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Belelaith/pseuds/Belelaith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The end of Voldemort as told by Harry Potter. Crack in response to a prompt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Downfall of a Potato, or; Pests and Potatoes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jeanette9a](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeanette9a/gifts).



> A slightly cracky drabble for jeanette9a who sent me a prompt. I took a bit of inspiration to the characters involved from her own writing of a HP fic. I hope it makes you smile, my dear.  
> Not beta'ed.

The Downfall of a Potato, or; Pests and Potatoes

The story of my defeat of Voldemort – or rather Tom Riddle as he should rightfully be named – has been told many times. Though, it must be said, not by anyone who was actually there at the time but rather by the ones who entered later, after the deed was done.

It had been an ordinary Tuesday morning including having Professor Snape yelling at me in class and taking twenty points from Gryffindor because of me… so all in all a perfectly ordinary Tuesday morning.

At lunch Ron and I discussed Quidditch and Hermione prepared for Arithmancy meaning that she planted a big book at the table and promptly ignored our discussion. So again, pretty typical Tuesday.

We had classes the entire afternoon which were quite typical so nothing new there. In transfiguration we worked on changing garden pests like gnomes into compostable items like fruit, vegetables and leaves so they could help fertilize the gardens they have terrorized. Not exactly impressive or exciting, but quite tricky to do the wand movements and incantation at the same time.

After dinner the three of us (Ron, Hermione and I) took a walk on the grounds. We had passed Hagrid’s Hut and I saw a garden gnome in the pumpkin patch so I was reminded of the homework for transfiguration and tried out the incantation in order to get it right before trying out the wand movements. I tried it at least ten times with Ron mimicking my mangled attempts before losing my temper and stomping off towards the Forbidden Forest and leaving them to return to the castle. I gave it one last try while waving my arms about and ranting about Ron’s childishness inside my head. Somehow my upset state must have lent power to my words because a shadow at the tree line where I had been gesticulating suddenly outlined in sparkles and shrunk until there at the ground was a potato.

I hurried over hoping to spot what kind of pest I had accidentally hit but heard a harsh yell behind me calling my name and demanding to know what I was doing out here so near to curfew. It was Professor Snape and from his tone of voice I could tell that I was in deep trouble.

In my panic I foolishly tried to hide (which, come to think of it, was slightly pointless given that he very well knew I was there) and jumped between the nearest bushes. I landed on the potato, crushing it to a pulp and skidding along, hitting my forehead on the nearest tree, ending up falling on my behind. Ouw!

When I got up, rubbing my aching forehead and my behind I found Professor Snape lying on the ground unconscious. Taking my holly wand I fired off the distress signal (red sparkles, rather like an emergency flare) to call Professor Dumbledore and madam Pomfrey to my aid. While waiting for them I checked that the Professor was still breathing. He was.

Madam Pomfrey and the Headmaster arrived promptly and whisked us off to the Hospital Wing, where, after looking at my bruised forehead and only seeing a bruise I was dismissed to a corner.

After working on Professor Snape for a while the Headmaster asked me for an explanation. I told him of practising the spell and being surprised by Professor Snape concluding my tale with ‘I jumped on a potato because Professor Snape walked my way. I don’t know what happened to him, he just lay there.’ 

The headmaster looked thoughtful for a moment before dispatching a house elf to scrape up the mashed potato and bring it to the Hospital Wing. After looking at it and poking it with his wand the Headmaster cheered up immensely and told both madam Pomfrey and I that the Professor would wake up on his own eventually as there was a very good explanation for his collapse. ‘You see, my boy, the Professor has had a violent shock to his system via his Dark Mark seeing as you have unwittingly managed to destroy Voldemort by turning him into a potato and crushing it.’ 

I admit to gaping unattractively for a while before laughing hysterically for at least ten minutes. The threat of Voldemort was gone. He had been a pest to the Wizarding World and somehow the spell worked on him. To see the biggest menace turning into a potato was completely absurd, which, is why I should have probably expected it seeing how my life always seems to take the most ridiculous path.

Somehow when others tell the story it seems more dramatic with giant battles and entire armies, but there you have it as it really happened – not that anyone will believe you.


End file.
